My Worship Revolution

Early this year I was listening to some teaching from Francis Chan from the Gospel Conference they did for the folks at Cornerstone Church.
As he was sharing his heart, I remember him saying that when they started Cornerstone, there were 5 things you had to have to start a “successful” church:

• Good teaching
• Great sound system
• A worship leader
• A school to meet in
• A good kid’s program

That was the formula.
Boom.  Instant church.
He was being somewhat satirical but truthful at the same time.

A friend sent me this video from Ed Stetzer with everything you need to know now in 3 minutes in order to plant a “successful” church.
Pretty funny.

So what else would you put on the list of “needs”?
And let’s keep in mind, this was meant to be satire.
Sorry to burst your bubble if you were hoping this was your ticket to starting your next mega-church.

A few weeks ago at the all-county Men’s Retreat I realized just how ridiculous I sound at times.  Or how ridiculous my expectations are.

The first night set the tempo for the weekend.  Joe Bishop shared out of Matthew 11 and introduced the theme for the weekend, finding rest in Christ and releasing our burdens to him.
After his talk we took a few minutes to share with a couple guys one or two burdens that we are carrying through life right now.
When it was my turn, I shared that my mom had passed away about a month prior, and I kinda feel like I should be over it and moving on with life now.
But the reality is I’m still struggling.

Wait…did I really just say that?
It’s been a month…get over it?
The truth is that’s how I feel, but I would never expect someone else to feel that way if I heard them say it!

Last night I had one of those nights.  I sat on the couch and just wept with my wife.
The kind of weeping where your whole body convulses with each cry.  It’s happened 3 or 4 times since mom passed.
Just admitting that publicly is super tough for me.
I hate admitting that I cry almost as much as I hate actually doing it, both of which are more comfortable than actually being caught in the act.
Not sure how I got that way, if it’s the guy thing or what, but it is.

I realize more and more that I don’t get this whole grief thing.
I don’t know how to do it correctly.  If there even is a correctly.
I thought I’d have it wired after experiencing the loss of my father at 16.  This is completely different.
I don’t know how to allow myself to mourn and just let go, so instead I end up taking it out as frustration at my family.  Not fair at all.

Recently I started meeting monthly with a spiritual director.  We talked about all this and he encouraged me to stop thinking about doing it correctly and just let it happen.
One thing he strongly encouraged was caring for my own soul by doing some reading about grief.
He suggested some books, one that stuck out to me being A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis.
But I have a list of more important books to read.  You know, ministry books and stuff.  Besides, do I really need a book to help me grieve my mother?  OK, well, I guess it couldn’t hurt.
After doing some looking on the web this morning I decided to take him up on the suggestion and went with In Memorium by Henri Nouwen.
I really dig Nouwen, and the book is his own reflections on the loss of his own mother.
It’s going on the Kindle App on my iPod touch now.  I’ll add it to the list of books I feel the need to read right now.  But maybe I should bump it to the top.
Perhaps I’ll share some reflections as I process the book.

In the meantime, I’m bringing it to Jesus, including my questions and struggles, and doing my best to grieve well.
Just a quick, honest snapshot into the current state of my soul.  Part of it anyway.

Cheesy title, but I stole it from NBC.
Rachel caught this segment on NBC Nightly News last night and saved it on our DVR for me.
House churches.
It’s not exactly what we’re doing, but it’s a whole lot closer than the traditional model of church that most are familiar with.
At a time when I know a bunch of pastors who are struggling financially to keep churches afloat, it does pose some interesting thoughts as to another option for how finances can be used and what a community of faith can look like.  Not the only option, but another one.
Check out the segment:

I’ll share more thoughts next week that have been rattling around my dome this week about alternative ways of doing church and being the church.
Interesting to see the nature of this particular church in the story and the commentators perspectives on church.
But for now, what thinks you?

Several months ago I was sitting at a coffee shop sharing about our dreams and plans for Missio Dei Community with a friend.
As we were chatting and I was honestly sharing my excitement and my fears, she asked a very interesting question.

“Are you 100% sure this is what God is calling you to do?”

It’s a question I’ve heard more than once.
And in this particular instance, I know that she was not asking it antagonistically or doubtfully.  It was simply an honest question about the direction we were traveling with what was on our hearts.
And it was a very easy question to answer.
I confidently replied,

“Nope.

I’m about 93.86% sure.  And I don’t think I ever could get to 100%.”

I tend to think there are very few times that we can be absolutely sure as to where God is guiding.  I am not someone who has ever heard an audible voice of God guiding or directing me to do any particular thing.  He hasn’t showed up in the form of Morgan Freeman with any specific directions, yet.
And too often, I’ve seen that be an excuse for not doing anything at all.
I might even argue that at times God isn’t super concerned that we do one particular thing, rather he just wants us to do something!

Now don’t hear what I’m not saying.
That doesn’t mean we took the decision to embark on starting a spiritual community in Santa Cruz lightly.
We spent months praying intently for God’s direction.
We spent that time fasting once a week in an effort to hear more clearly.
During that time we had about 20 other people praying with us and for us as we tried to discern what the next season of life was bringing us.
We had conversations with trusted mentors and friends in our lives, and I believe that God often spoke to us in the context of those relationships.

But the truth is, even with all of that, I can’t say we reached 100% positivity regarding what God’s “perfect will” is.
I don’t think I ever have.
And it’s possible I may receive some radical divine revelation, but in all probability, I never will.

But I decided a while back to not use that as an excuse for inaction.
I will seek God as much as possible, and when I think I’m on the right track, I wanna look for what God is already blessing and go for it.
It sure beats sitting around waiting.

So, my question for you…
What might God want you to do that you aren’t cause you just aren’t sure yet?
Are you seeking God in an effort to do something about it?
Or are you using that as an excuse to do nothing?
Sure there is a season for waiting, but don’t get caught up in the waiting and let the journey pass you by.

Go live out your dreams and change the world, doing your best to follow Jesus every step of the way.

Tomorrow, Rachel and I leave town without the kids to this place:

That would be Hume Lake.
I picked the one with snow in the pic, cause, well, I read it could snow in the area this week.

Our network, Converge PacWest saves a couple spots for church planters at the pastors retreat there every year.
Never been to Hume Lake.  Supposed to be a mecca of Christian retreat/camp places so I hear.
I’m just looking forward to getting away with my wife for a few days.

As soon as I get back I head for 3 more days of retreating at the Santa Cruz All County Men’s Retreat.
I get to lead worship there and it should be a blast.

I haven’t been blogging lately, and it isn’t for lack of things in my head to blog about.
So I’m hoping after a week of being pretty much unplugged, I’ll get back to making some time to post.
There’s plenty to post about:

• Our Missio Dei Labor Day BBQ (Maybe too late for that?)
• Thoughts on being “100% sure” of our calling to plant in Santa Cruz
• Recap of our church riding in and being a sponsor of the Surf City AIDS Ride
• One of the most amazing nights of worship leading with my former community of faith and family
• Recap of San Francisco Triathlon (now that was a loooong time ago)

Other random thoughts that probably won’t get posted about beyond this:

• Charlie & Bridget had a baby! (Good friends. Was gonna post pics but missed the window of opportunity.  Sorry guys.)
• My Chargers provide a roller coaster of emotions.
• My Fantasy Football team sucks.  0-4/  But it’s all good.  Who wants to be the ’72 Dolphins when you can be the ’68 Bucs?
• Brought home some stuff from my mom’s house: a piano, a big TV, the nicest car I’ll ever own, some paintings, and half a freaking garage full of Hockey Cards.
• Finally bit the bullet and got Dish Network.  First time with cable in 3 1/2 years.
• Caleb turned 4.  And he likes to tell everyone.
• Oh, and if I didn’t share yet, I’m working part-time leading worship on an interim basis in San Jose.  That one actually probably will get more post time.

But Monday morning I turn off the laptop, and intend to leave it off til Thursday afternoon.
I will probably be in a cold sweat by Monday afternoon, but hopefully by Thursday I’ll be done detoxing.
Catch ya in a week (I hope).

Today we lost my mom to a 9 month or so battle with cancer.
4 months shy of her 60th birthday.
There’s no easy way to lead into that, so there it is.
Walking through that (along with stupid distractions like Facebook games and Catan online) has contributed in part to my spotty – at best – blogging lately.

She took a serious turn for the worse over the past several days.  I was supposed to fly out Tuesday, but changed my flight to today being unsure she would make it til Tuesday.  This morning my sister called me at 4:30 a.m. to let me know that she was gone.

Many of you have been at least somewhat aware of what was going on and have been praying for and supporting my family continually.  Thank you so much.  And for those who didn’t know, no worries, we still need much prayer as we process it all and deal with all the details that come with the death of a parent, sibling, grandparent.  Perhaps I’ll share more from the journey over the past year now on the blog. Perhaps I won’t.  We’ll just see.

So many thought and feelings are running through my heart and mind right now that I can hardly begin to process them all.
We’ve known for a while now that this day was coming.  I lost my father at 16 and thought I’d have some idea what to expect and how to prepare.  But this has proved to be, by far, the most difficult event – or really…process – I’ve ever experienced.

My mother will be deeply missed.
She already is.

I’m sitting right now in the Salt Lake City airport waiting for my flight to San Diego.
As I was sitting on the plane, I asked myself what the date was, knowing that it will more than likely be forever burned into my memory.
8/28.
It took mere seconds for Romans 8:28 to wash over my dome as I recited the number to myself silently.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

There is little that seems good about a time like now.  But what a great reminder that while it may not feel good, and while I definitely don’t understand the master plan, God has one.  My prayer is that one of the good things that can come is that God would be glorified as we, her family, embrace our own brokenness and rest in a peace that has to be beyond ourselves.  I am reminded of a popular quote from John Piper that has deeply impacted me for years, “God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied in him…especially in the midst of pain and suffering.” (Perhaps a loose quote.)

As I was on the first leg of flying, I was reading through a great little book by Henri Nouwen, The Life Of The Beloved.
In considering God using this painful time in my own life and in the lives of others, this paragraph from his chapter on brokenness seems insightful…

“The deep truth is that our human suffering need not be an obstacle to the joy and peace we so desire, but can become, instead, the means to it.  The great secret of the spiritual life, the life of the Beloved Sons and Daughters of God, is that everything we live, be it gladness or sadness, joy or pain, health or illness, can all be a part of the journey toward the full realization of our humanity.  It is not hard to say to one another: ‘All that is good and beautiful leads us to the glory of the children of God.’  But it is very hard to say: ‘But didn’t you know that we all have to suffer and thus enter into our glory?’  Nonetheless, real care means the willingness to help each other in making our brokenness into the gateway to joy.”

The reality is that right now, it mostly just hurts.  But through your prayers, support, and friendships, one day it can be redemptive in pointing to God and  bringing strength and joy to all of us who loved and miss her.
In the meantime, we’ll cope by taking this week to remember her life and to celebrate the gift that God gave us, in the midst of our grief.
I love you mom.
You’re missed already.

This summer has been one with lots of travel in it.  And now we are once again on a whirlwind tour of Southern California.
The picture is a map of our route.
Chula Vista,
Redlands,
Big Bear,
Agoura,
Menifee,
Long Beach/Buena Park,
Escondido,
and finally back to Santa Cruz.
All in about 12 days.
Well over 1500 miles on our poor van.
1 day and 3 hours of it in the car, according to Google (make that up to 1 day 13 hours in traffic).

We’re currently about to leave Big Bear for my half-brother’s place in Agoura.
A lot of friends wished us an enjoyable vacation.
Actually, the trip is about half pleasure, half workin.
Rachel’s cousin got married (one of the most fun weddings I’ve been to-congrats Kim & Ben!), we spent a little time with her parents in Big Bear, we’ll get to stop in with a few other family members, and at the end we get a few days with my family on their vacation.
The work part…lots of support raising being worked into there while we’re in the area.  Primarily the reason for so many stops.

Starting a new church in Santa Cruz means we need to put in some time on the front end raising financial support to provide our salary, as well as a bit to supplement the giving of our Missio Dei peeps for ministry budget.  Just like missionaries are supported by those who believe in what they’re doing, so are we.  Right now we are about 46% of the way to our goal for support raising.

The whole process is an interesting one.  Meeting with friends and family to share our excitement about what God’s doing and inviting them in on the opportunity to be a part of making it happen.  Some weeks it’s an incredible blessing as we get to connect with people we love and share our journey.  Other weeks are more discouraging.  But we keep trusting that God will provide and keep on doing what we need to do.

All that to say I’m looking forward to more opportunities this week to see people and share the need and the opportunity, even if all the traveling will be a bit tiring.
I was able to lead worship at Rancho Vista Church last Sunday and share briefly what we were doing.  People were invited to give on the way out.
This Sunday I’m stoked to lead worship at our past home, Revolution Church, and get to share with that family how they have been so tied to our journey.
And then a few days of R&R with Lawrence Welk in Escondido before returning to the daily routine…wait…nevermind.  Routine doesn’t really exist for us in this stage of life.  And for the most part, I love that.  Rachel, on the other hand, is probably a bigger fan of routine.

So that’s what’s going on with us this month and this summer.
Good thing our kids are learning to travel well in the car!
How’s the end of your summer shaping up?

Is mindedness even a word?  Well, it is now anyway.
In a culture that can often be all about ourselves and taking care of number one, it’s refreshing to see churches finding tangible ways to express unity and work together.

Several months ago I got an email from my friend Sean.  He’s the pastor of another young church here in Santa Cruz called Antioch Church.
The reason for the email was to let me know about a gathering on July fourth.  Antioch, Faith Community, Gathering By The Bay, and Trinity Covenant – all very different expressions of the church and all fairly young – gathered together on that Sunday morning at the Rio Theater.  As part of the liturgy they were having a commissioning time where they wanted me to come and share our story and allow them to pray for Missio Dei Community as we get started.

I have a heart to work alongside other faith communities and model unity as we help each other in accomplishing God’s purposes, so I was stoked for the opportunity.  Of course, I had already committed to teaching at a church in San Jose that is part of our Converge network, an opportunity I was also stoked about.  So, after tossing around a couple ideas, Rachel and the kids ended up going to that gathering to represent us while I spoke in San Jose.

As I was driving back over the hill I talked to Rachel on the phone and finding out how things went there.  She started to tell me about how they had 4 boxes up front for people to give to their particular church if they wanted to, BUT…the offering being passed that morning was a love offering to go to us!
As she told me, my eyes welled up with tears.
Check out this video Christal took for us from the service:

We had no idea they were gonna do that.
For four other churches to be willing to do that for us spoke volumes to us about those churches and those leaders.
For churches to be ‘Kingdom minded’ like that and even be willing to sacrifice to some degree to bless us was awesome.
I can’t wait to get to do this for someone else someday.  To share that level of generosity even when we don’t have a lot ourselves.
And I’m even more stoked than ever to get to work alongside these churches and others in Santa Cruz County to be Jesus to our community.

Yesterday I got a check for around $1350 from that morning.
Thanks you SO much to each of those church bodies.
We are excited to be a part of whatever God is doing right now in this city.
And this is just the beginning.
Can’t wait to see what’s next!

OK, so maybe she wasn’t a triathlete when I married her, but she sure is now!
After trying to convince her for a year and a half that she should try a triathlon, with her telling me she had NO desire, she finally took the plunge.  I chanced upon the way to make it happen when I talked our good friend Christal into it.  She wanted to train with Rachel so they decided to do one together.

They started training back in November.  They’re very first workout consisted of 6 minutes of running and 24 minutes of walking.  They struggled to gt through all the running, and now I’m scared to run with em cause they just might smoke me!
It was in June, but I had to get pictures up here cause I am seriously so proud of both Rachel and Christal.  So cool to watch them be dedicated to the training and even see some drastic life changes as they both chose to live healthier.

They finished their first sprint in an hour and 40 minutes, which was even better than they expected.
Here’s some pics.  I have some of them getting out of the swim, but if I remember correctly, they both threatened my life if I put up pictures of them in their bathing suits.

Caleb scoutin out the finish.                                 Pre-swim

Oh yeah, some dude proposed at the finish.         The finishers.

Click here to check out a video of their sprint to the finish.

Great job ladies!
And I think at our last Missio Dei gathering, like half of us were triathletes.
Sorry Dan & Katie!  We may get you someday.
Ok probably not.  But that would be pretty cool.

I’m sure there will be a more complete race report from my wife when she catches up on her blog.
Christal wrote about it over here.

So who’s next?!

A couple of weeks ago I’m in a room of people.  Just hangin.
Someone asks what I’m up to in life and our church planting plans come up.
And then it comes.
From someone else in the room who heard about it the day before:

“So, what made you think Santa Cruz needs another church?”

I’m not positive if the skepticism behind the question was as strong as I thought or if I just perceived it that way cause I’m an artist which puts me on par with chicks on the sensitivity scale sometimes, but it isn’t the first time I’ve heard the question.
In fact sometimes it causes me to wonder the same thing.  In the discouraged moments, I can’t say I haven’t laid awake at night considering if we’re foolish.
But then I start to remember the things that God has called me to be, and how he has called me to go about it, and where I think he’s called me to do it.  That isn’t necessarily a sufficient answer for someone who doesn’t really get the whole idea of church planting, though.

Then I’m reminded of the need for the Gospel, the need for churches, and the need for church planting when someone like John Piper lays it out so clearly.
Check this out:

The best estimates we’ve been able to find, Santa Cruz is in the vicinity of 93% unchurched.
That leaves somewhere over 50,000 people in Santa Cruz city who aren’t engaged in a local community of faith.
Around 270,000 for the county.

But as another friend of mine pointed out, Santa Cruz is 93% unchurched…and it wants to stay that way.
In a lot of ways, that’s why I think Santa Cruz, and probably a WHOLE LOT of other cities across the U.S., need not only new churches, but a different kind of church.
I am stoked to be friends and partners with so many different leaders of so many different types of churches in our area.
So the question begins to arise…what kind of church are WE called to be?
What will THIS expression of THE church in Santa Cruz look like?
That question has a lot of answers to it.  It’s probably another 15 posts at least this long.
And then there are the other 30 posts of answers that we are still yet to discover.
Perhaps if I can get blogging more again you’ll get a feel for what that looks like to us.

But what I do know is this: we want to intentionally love and befriend people all over Santa Cruz.  We want to immerse ourselve in the daily rhythms and life of our city.  We want to do our part to make this county a better place to be, all the while being unashamed of our love and devotion to this leader of our lives, Jesus Christ.
And as we live out a passionate spirituality, a gospel larger than life, a life of faith and radical grace, we will see people experience God’s kingdom more clearly and ultimately encounter Jesus in a way that they can’t help but be transformed by him.
Sure, this is a simplification of the whole process.  I guess.
But I think our city needs a ‘church’ like that.
I think your city needs a ‘church; like that.
In fact, I think we need more than A church like that.
And when you run the numbers, I can’t imagine us ever having too many communities of faith that live this way, whether it’s a community of 6 people or 6000 people.

There’s a few reasons I think we need another church in Santa Cruz.