Comments on: Be My Simon Cowell

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 03:36:08 +0000

Hey, Bobby, aren’t you glad I commented, so everyone else had the chance to be constructive in their criticism. I’m no musician, so I don’t know all those technical terms, but I think what everyone agrees on is that the chorus needs work. I’m proud that you had the courage to share this with everyone! You rock!
Love ya,
Aunt Linda

By: bobby

bobby — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 23:28:10 +0000

Eric-
Thanks dude. Not gonna lie…it took a lot to actually go ahead and share it. I never think something I do is very good, but what the heck, it’s the first one I’ve really tied. If I wanna encourage to step out of comfort zones, I guess I should do the same, eh?
And just for the record, while Open the Eyes and Let Everything may be big hits…they were big hit like 10 years ago, so yeah, maybe you could go wrong there. Not really ok.

By: eric

eric — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 21:04:48 +0000

by the way… it takes some cajones to do what you’re doing… you rock!

By: eric

eric — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 21:03:21 +0000

I like the way you build through the pre-chorus, but I agree with Jamie; it kind of dies in the chorus… I think one way to work around that is to leave some chords out in the verse… maybe play the E without the walk down. It might change the melody a little, but that could be a good thing. I feel that the verse and chorus need some separation.
Another thought was to use that push at the end of the pre-chorus as a hook throughout the song… maybe use it in the verse somehow. I think that will get it away from that “open the eyes of my heart” or “Everything that has breath” feel. Although those are humongous hits so you can’t really go wrong there…
My advice is actually really simple, keep working and keep asking for critiques… Charlie Hall shared how he worked on one of his hit songs for 5 years! That gave me confidence to write and re-write and re-write all of my stuff.

By: bobby

bobby — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 18:57:45 +0000

Awesome stuff. Thanks for sharing y’all.
Actually, the stuff you’re saying is pretty much what came out of the critique time too. What Jamie said kinda summed it up well. Seemed like the chorus didn’t quite take off enough. I think I’ll play with it some and post another version later and see if y’all think it’s an improvement or not.
Keep em comin though! Any other thoughts?

By: Jamie Petersen

Jamie Petersen — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 18:35:31 +0000

First, let me say that I miss hearing you lead worship
I am no songwriter, but here’s my humble opinion. I like the words, and I always love a good pre-chorus (which you have). However, I felt like the melody in the chorus should be higher (at least on lines 1 and 4). The pre-chorus builds it well, but then it feels kind-of lateral from there on out, with the notes in the verse and chorus in the same “zone”. I would lower the verse melody or, ideally, bump up the chorus.

By: Keith

Keith — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 17:51:49 +0000

Hey-
I like the song a lot, but would make a recommendation of either expanding the chorus or as your Aunt Linda said changing the music a little. The Chorus builds through the “offering to God” and it has a good response to that line and then you sing the line of “offering to Jesus” and it goes to a transition point with no response (for lack of a better word)to the Jesus portion. Just a recommendation- sounds good and I like the words you use in the verse and 99% of the chorus- just would add a little to the chorus as it feels like it builds and you start to get excitment and momentum and then you’re back to the verse and loose them.
Love ya man!
Keith

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 03:34:47 +0000

OK, Bobby, the last comment was mine. Don’t want you blaming your Mom. Didn’t get to put my user name.
Love ya,
Aunt Linda

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 03:32:52 +0000

Ok, I liked the verse, and pre-chorus, but wasn’t in love with the chorus. I don’t think I cared for the music that went with it. Just my humble opinion, but, hey, I haven’t even picked the right people that are going to be kicked off American Idol, so maybe, it’s my ear!!! Tone Deaf???
Love ya

By: Billy Chia

Billy Chia — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 23:53:40 +0000

Bobby,
Rock on!
I love the 3rd person plural – it would’ve been easy to sing “hear my song” and I like the present nature of the song that you are singing about what’s happening right now.
I wonder about dropping the “they”
Like:
“The things that you have done will not be forgotten”
with the “they” it feels like a lot to spit out.